Gulab Jamuns

Hi. I am Eleanor and yes I am Indian. My modern and adventurous parents decided to name me something foreign and quirky, so as to make me stand out from the crowd. And yes I stood out, but not because of my name, but because of my skin color.

From my childhood I was bullied, teased and called by various names — ‘Negro’, ‘dusky’, ‘darky’, ‘black girl’, ‘Kali’. And what added to that misery was the meaning of my name. There was a new teacher in our school and on the first day she decided to ask each and everyone’s name. When my turn came, she was surprised like many others to find out that being Hindus, my parents had named me so. Then she asked me the most dreaded question,

“What is the meaning of your name?”

With flushed cheeks I answered,

“Eleanor means someone with a bright and shining personality.”

I will never forget what happened after that. I rushed out of the class towards the washroom and the uproar I could hear from even down the corridor will forever be embedded in my mind.

My mother and father ofcourse did not care about my colour. After all they had adopted me because of it. They were both on the fair side and whenever we went out together, we looked kinda comical. They even bought me clothes and accessories that were against the article I once found in Google, ‘Colours that dark skinned people should always avoid’.

Maa protected me from the aunties of our family who were always ready to suggest remedies that could potentially make me ‘white’. Baba would laugh at all the commercials of beauty creams promising to make your skin fair. I still remember that day when I came back from school in my 5th standard crying my eyes out because all the girls had refused to play with me because I was ‘Kali’. Maa and Baba sat me down on the balcony with a bowl of Maa’s piping hot Gulab Jamuns and told me a story. A story about a girl called Kali. When all the Gods of heaven failed to win against the demons, Kali originated from the third eye of Goddess Parvati. She was the epitome of power, good winning over evil. Maa said, “Whenever someone calls you Kali remember that they mean that you are stronger and braver than them. You should thank them for calling you powerful.”

“Yes. They are comparing you to the great Goddess Kali. You shouldn’t be upset about that”, said Baba.

Somehow that made me feel a lot better about myself and I practiced what they said that day about thanking those who called me ‘Kali’. I turned heads with that reply. I guess I too would’ve been the insecure dark skinned girl, if my parents hadn’t supported me as much as they have and also partly because of my best friend Smriti. Smriti was a constant support throughout school threatening people if they even dared to look at me with mocking eyes. But you can’t really avoid the consequences of being dark. It surely doesn’t mean that you have to be ashamed because of that.

I have found people who love me for how I am as a person and I know people out there who have been through similar situations will find their people too. I’ve found my fiancé, who wears the ‘Salt’ t-shirt proudly when I wear mine that says ‘Pepper’ because you know as he always says, Salt and Pepper is meant to be together just like us. Ofcourse the other big reason was his preference of Gulab Jamuns over Roshogollas.

It’s high time people understand that black or white, we are all humans. Emotions or pain or love doesn’t have a color. And for the beauty creams out there, find a new tagline! The pigment called melanin decides our color. Putting a handful of cream on someone’s face daily won’t change their genetic inheritance. All it will do is give people the chance to ridicule them because of their insecurities. It’s time that we engrave in people’s minds the truth, ‘Your personality defines you and nothing else.’

P.S. Gulab Jamun is an Indian sweet typically brown in colour.

Roshogolla is also an Indian Bengali sweet which is white in colour.